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Showing posts from 2017

I told you so.

I told you so.
Honestly, my biggest fear is receiving this sentiment from people once our kids get here and it's freaking hard for us. Throughout our process, I've heard/seen it all: the horror stories, concerned looks, reminders of baggage, reminders that babies are easier, reminders kids are expensive, reminders that I won't be their only mom and they may have struggles and I'm too young to be their mom and I'm not the same race and it will strain my marriage and that I can't save them.
(Run on sentence on purpose becaus that's how all these reminders feel - endless and just on and on they go.)

I'm worried that when I'm asked, "how are you?"and I give an honest answer about the pain and hurt and sorrow that comes when you're loving children you didn't raise, that people will look and feel and  respond with an "I told you so." They may not say it out loud, but I know the exact look that will be on their faces. They'l…

Back at it.

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The below two entries are from almost two months ago, but I didn't want them to go to waste, so here they are!

Monday. 
Connected today with a sweet friend from Mississippi. I am humbled by the people the Lord ordains to cross my path and the beauty each one brings to my life. I admire her willing sacrifice for her children and her humility to confess how difficult it can be to lay down our lives for another.

Tuesday. 
Today I am praying that the Lord helps me to continue to be a faithful witness. I am also here to be honest that sharing your faith and being questioned about it is scary! I was asked to defend my stance on sexuality today, my stance on why sex is sacred for marriage. Its uncomfortable. I don't know why the person is asking or what the Lord will bring about because of my answer. Still, I choose to trust that He just may be up to something and I am not entitled to know what that is. The nerves and butterflies in my stomach remind me of my constant need for the Spir…

My kids are worth loving: Adopting older kids FAQ''s and other helpful tips when talking to adoptive parents

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It's a very strange feeling when you feel you have to prove to the world why you want your kids. I know what you're thinking, You don't have to explain yourself! You don't have to prove anything! And, you would be right. I don't owe it to anyone. If I'm honest though, I know most of the questions that come are based in ignorance and a lack of exposure to the need/availability/crisis that is adoption and foster care. So, I don't answer because I feel pressured, but because I genuinely want people to be educated. I want them to know that despite the challenge, time, sacrifice, and "risk," my children deserve all of that and more spent on them. They deserve to have a home where they are accepted and seen, no matter their age or their "troubled" backgrounds (much of which they had no control of). 

Anyway, I could go on about that all day, but I won't (you're welcome). 

Below I will highlight the most frequently asked questions about ou…

The week of 25 (3/13/17)

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Monday.
I took two weeks off. The task proved harder than I anticipated and I got tired, what can I say? Plus I felt pretty uninspired for a couple of reasons.


 Nothing has moved on our adoption in the past month. We are waiting on a date for our inspection and home visit. After that, we will be approved. Up until now, there has always been a date and a next step that was concrete. We have been waiting for a month and the next step still isn't even scheduled. I just finished reading Esther & was so encouraged by Mordecai's stubborn faith in the Lord. He wasn't swayed even by the declaration of the king. He knew God would save. And yet, here I am, wondering how on earth there could be a point to this waiting. Are our children just sitting there, time ticking as they spend more weeks away from their forever home? I know my faith is small and shallow and I pray for it to deepen. I'm just being honest- this is how I feel. A stand still.It's mid-point in the semester.…

Rich in Faithful Love (2/20/17)

Tuesday.
Today a client sat in front of me and grieved by over the fact that he has never known unconditional love. He didn't use those words, but he expressed sadness over people always leaving when he messes up or isn't perfect. He believes he will never be good enough.

This is a child who comes from a family so broken, that I don't know how he is as articulate, smart, and seemingly put together as he is. This is a child who's basic needs were not met.

Oh Lord, God of second chances, be near to your treasured child today. Stir in the hearts of people who love you to take a chance on loving someone worthy of love. Help me to show him the kind of unconditional love and acceptance You offer.

Wednesday.
"You, Lord, are kind and ready to forgive, rich in faithful love to all who call on you." // Psalms 86:5

Love discipling my girls and watching them begin to know God's word. Also love when I stumble upon gems of verses like this one that are so simple yet so …

Clarity (2/13/17)

Tuesday. 
Gaining more clarity about the direction of adoption, and honestly I don't like the answer. I feel silly. I feel like I am mourning a loss of children I was never even remotely close to actually having, but in my mind, I was. I tend to make myself responsible for others. I sometimes believe that if it's harder or more challenging, then that's probably God's will. And I tend to assume that choosing a less challenging option is cowardice. I know these are lies from the enemy that truly put the emphasis of situations on me, and not on God. I have been through enough to know that the Lord will make obvious and supply courage for tough things. AND I also don't have to walk into the toughest things in His name. Adoption is going to be hard. It is not wrong for us to adopt children, even if we see that a certain situation may not be the best fit for our family. This is me giving myself permission, thanks for listening.

I look forward to when I reflect on these hea…

For such a time as this (2/6/17)

Tuesday.
I've had multiple people look at me wide-eyed for wanting to work with boys who have sexually harmed. They don't understand it. Why would you want to be around that all day? ....Be around what? Broken people? I want to be around it because these are human beings that deserve someone to listen to them and hear their stories. Did you know research shows that the rate of reoffending after treatment is only between 5 and 14 percent? So between 86 and 95 percent of adolescents that sexually harm will never do it again. Yet, the stigma on them is huge. People avoid these kids like the plague. They are disgusted by them.

I don't feel disgust when I look at them. I see kids who honestly, for the most part, are grossed out by themselves. They are so broken and their lives are so chaotic that they don't even know where normal is. When these kids are charged, they have a sentence that follows them the rest of their lives. And most of these kids were victimized, taken adv…

Fragility & Peace in the Waiting (1/30/17)

Monday.
Below is the new family verse, from my husband who continues to show more and more leadership, resolve, commitment, and vision for our family. His steadfastness helps me to trust the Lord and to truly deeply believe that contentment is possible in every situation. Of all things I am grateful for, this man is at the top of the list:


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. …

He knows their name (Week of 1/23/17)

Tuesday.
Realizing the importance of hope. The will to live diminishes without it. Boys at my internship have made decisions that have shaken their families, but they need to know there is hope. They can be successful. They are more than their mistakes. There are qualities in them worth sharing and the world needs them in it. They are more than screw ups.
And we ALL need hope. We all need to see the beauty than can come from ashes. We need to know that God takes broken things and makes them whole. It takes time. The road is often heard. But healing is possible.

Wednesday.
When you pray for favor, and after 4 days of working with you your supervisor tells you she can see your care and love for people and your ease and enjoyment of teens. Only to God be the glory!

On another note, adoption is so scary. I am really struggling with the lack of concreteness as well as the reality that the biological parent(s) may be consistently involved. Of course, I want that! But also- my humanness, my s…

This week in the life (1/16/17)

Monday. 

Sovereign God, How fickle we are. We swiftly forget your ability and character & think a hiccup in our plan is a hiccup in yours. Forgive us for our lack of resolve in regard to our trust in You. Enable us to have as much steadfast trust in You as You deserve. Remove our worry and heal our unbelief. Forgive us for how we put too much weight in our current circumstances and help us grab hold of the joy we constantly have access to through You. Amen. 
Tuesday. 
Started today at my new internship, working with boys who have sexually harmed others. The stories of these boys reminds me so much of foster care and the children who are overlooked and really just have it rough. These boys have done some awful, heartbreaking, things. Then again, I look at them and I just see teenagers. They are kids. Kids who have had hell in their lives in numerous ways, and who don't know how to handle their sexuality. I can't openly talk about Jesus at this placement, but I am praying that …

Musings of the week (1/9/17)

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One of my goals for this year to spend less time watching Netflix and more time writing and just being still. If I sit down to write for 10 minutes a day, maybe I can make something beautiful. Or, maybe I will simply be more grateful and self-aware. Either way, I'm technically starting on a Tuesday so due excuse the gaps.

Tuesday. 
I laugh.
Puppies- cute, exhausting, small yet quickly take up a big space and time gap.
I continue to realize how little I know, how prone we all are to mistakes, how love requires patience, and how even in things I don't think I really want, God is forming in me qualities that delight Him and benefit who I am made to become.
The puppies have also made me slow down. And it is a huge contrast to how fast paced I usually feel on the inside. I want to be more present and realize there is no need to rush and hurry. I am in the hand of my Maker. He can handle it.




Wednesday.
There's not a baby growing in my tummy, but my kids are growing in my heart. It'…