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Prayer is the expression of a life...

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"We are slow to learn that effective prayer involves a constant interaction between the quality of soul we bring to our prayers and the sincerity of our desire. To pray to be made wise is the merest superstition, unless we bring to our prayer the kind of soul that is capable of acquiring wisdom. We are responsible not only for our prayers, but for providing the background against which prayer can energise. It is not too much, indeed, to say that for every prayer we give to prayer itself-excepting, of course, the actual practice of prayer, which is vital at every stage- we should give ten to the life behind the prayer."

-E. Herman, Creative Prayer

Worship- A Spoken Word.

Today, this day, I will worship the Lord.  Not just my mouth but my heart does sing. The dance I dance is not one of my body but of my soul. The dance of obedience that begs me to be whole. My song and dance surrender the spotlight and the praise I so long for- it’s not what I was made for. My King takes center stage.  True worship is not achieved when I push to be the best and better than the rest- but when I love. Worship does not exhaust you. If you are trying too hard it’s not worship. Worshipping God is like taking a breath of air, it becomes a part of you, its in the heart of you and there is a rhythm to your life. Worship is real when theres a halt to your strife. When we stop thinking God owes us something, when we accept His way, when we don’t think we know better, when we walk into the unknown simply because God is known and nothing else matters.  Well that’s what I call worship.  Worship and pride are not at all friends. Where pride starts is where worship shall end. Lay down your crowns and pick up y…

Prayer.

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”   -James 5:16, NKJV “The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with” -James 5:16, MSG I truly do believe in the supernatural power of prayer, but often my life does not display that. I pray often just in passing thoughts or good intentions. I am not intentional or consistent nearly enough. Prayer is a sign that love goes on for others and for the world even when they are not right in front of us. It is easy to love people when we see them and talk to them, but may I be a woman that loves well and prays well though I am alone! Maturity is shown when we seek the welfare of others with our time and with our heart’s devotion. I am sorry that I have so little faith that I often give up on people and on situations and do not continually plead with God. He listens. I know He does. Papa is softened by the repetitive cries and pleadings of His children.  I pray that I may learn how to pray and …

A daily martyr

"To die at the hands of a persecutor is unmistakably martyrdom; to bear insults, to love one who hates us, is martyrdom on our secret thought." -Gregory the Great

Broke.

"My sacrifice, O God, is a brokenspirit; abroken and contriteheartyou, God, will not despise."  -Psalm 51:7

I am everyday becoming more of who I really am and seeing more clearly who I am not. And as this process continues, there is an enemy who wishes to use my progress against me. As I realize things about myself that are not as they should be, my enemy whispers that I should hide.  I should run from my flaws.  I should run from my insecurities.  If I do realize them, I should keep them to myself, because no one wants a broken, wounded girl. 
But that's just flat out not true. 
I pray I always remain completely aware of how truly needy and broken I really am. I will shout it from the rooftops that I DO NOT HAVE IT TOGETHER. And I believe that I am worth the fight. I am worth someone working through all my brokenness with me. I don't have to be scared that I will scare everyone else away. It's just a sick, sick lie I believe that I am not allowed to have weakness or pai…

I am beautiful, no matter what they say.

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If this is true, then I am very, very, much alive. I cry a lot. But anyway, crying is not really the subject of this post. Haha. I have been crying about a particular something, you see. 
I don't really know how to explain it, except to say that lately God has just been teaching me a ton about my identity, and I think I am just having a hard time with it. I have made myself so much into who I think I must be to survive that I have forgotten what it's like to just be me and love me in my most natural sense. I've really never been one to be self-concious. I usually like myself just fine, but I think that's because I never REALLY look at myself all the way. And once I do, I think it scares me. Not because who I am is bad, or scary or anything like that, but just because it's foreign to me almost. For some reason, I think sometimes that I am a strange breed, and that no one is like me. (Which, no one is, but at the same time, who I am really is not all the crazy.) And t…
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I will sow love for all the days of my life.  A glorious seed of this kind has been  planted in me by the King.  He leads me beside still waters,  and there I have room to grow.  The ground does not strangle me  or stifle me that I may not breathe.  The land is not parched or  void of any thing that I may need.  Instead, living water runs  through my very veins Living water rushes to me  in the depths of my darkness  and the depths of my pain. It chooses to make me whole,  chooses to inspire me to grow,  chooses in me to sow.  By this I reap joy, kindness, love, gentleness: much fruit.  I long for others to come and admire my Gardener, He who plants and waters and keeps my roots  firm through shine and through storm.  But now, this love is contagious: this reaping and sowing is the very rhythm of life.

1 John 5:21

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"Dear children, keep yourselves from idols."           Idol in Greek is “eidolon”- the corresponding Hebrew word denotes “vanity”; an image or idea that worships a false god. 
Children in Greek is “teknion”- a little child, used only figuratively; a term of a affection from a teacher to his disciples under circumstances requiring a tender appeal for example Christ to the twelve before His death or the Apostle JOhn’s warning to believers against spiritual dangers.  INTERESTING! I got a Greek dictionary for Christmas and I am loving it. It is interesting that God chose this form of child for this specific issue of idols. Though the word often means “vanity”, most of us do not think of the things we love and invest our time into as vain things at all. We love our boyfriends, or our wives, or our jobs, or we love “doing good things”- the list goes on. For this reason, the Lord calls us first “teknion”, a tender form of affection that we may listen with a soft heart. Children first,…

Talk about it.

Last night I had a very good conversation with Daryl. It was authentically emotional and real for me. Firstly, I am just so blessed to have people, to have friends, that though we argue and our moods swing from high to low, we look for the face of Jesus in the midst of it. 
    For the past couple of days I have felt just in a weird mood. I felt easily annoyed and just kind of difficult. I did not really want to do anything except what I wanted to do. Selfish, really. This mood I was in made my sarcastic, jokingly biting comments all the more frequent and all the more biting. Legit, I am really mean sometimes. In the moment, I laugh and I am joking. But why in the heck do I enjoy embarrassing my friends, or calling out their weaknesses? I am willing to hurt the people I care about most. Last night Daryl was beginning to feel like a lot of people in her life only saw her faults; that they were the dominating things about her. And by my words to her, I can see why that is how she fee…