Musings of the week (1/9/17)

One of my goals for this year to spend less time watching Netflix and more time writing and just being still. If I sit down to write for 10 minutes a day, maybe I can make something beautiful. Or, maybe I will simply be more grateful and self-aware. Either way, I'm technically starting on a Tuesday so due excuse the gaps.

Tuesday. 
I laugh.
Puppies- cute, exhausting, small yet quickly take up a big space and time gap.
I continue to realize how little I know, how prone we all are to mistakes, how love requires patience, and how even in things I don't think I really want, God is forming in me qualities that delight Him and benefit who I am made to become.
The puppies have also made me slow down. And it is a huge contrast to how fast paced I usually feel on the inside. I want to be more present and realize there is no need to rush and hurry. I am in the hand of my Maker. He can handle it.




Wednesday.
There's not a baby growing in my tummy, but my kids are growing in my heart. It's not visible. But in less than 9 months, I might be a momma. It's hard to come into motherhood in a non traditional way- but on the inside I'm guessing it feels the same. I feel anticipation. I think about how to decorate their room and what fun we will have together. I imagine my husband as a Dad & how we will both parent differently but together. I worry about the world they are already growing up in, for the pain they have already felt, and I pray that God may allow me to extend a little bit of his healing love to them. I feel like I'm nesting & excited & terrified all at once. But, I don't know for sure who our children are yet. They already have names that I didn't pick and there's no definite due date. But inside it feels a lot the same, and sometimes, that's hard.

Thursday.
It's hard to watch people you love hurting & know you really can do nothing to help them.

Friday.
Adoption training today. Every step closer excited and terrifies me. It warms my heart to watch Brett grab on to this cause more and more deeply. May we be formed into the type of people to love children who may not love us back the way we would like, who may come into our home with more pain than both of us have yet to feel. I am more and more convinced that the answer to orphans and foster care in this country is Christians. We need people to stop looking around for someone else to step up and step up themselves. This is the Gospel. Love the ones no one else will- who require your sacrifice. I am more and more convinced and will dedicate my life to advocating for this cause!

Saturday.
It's cute when you've been married for 4.5 years and your husband still writes notes to you that say "I love you" during seminars and brings you donuts from the break room.

It's also rad to have friends and connections that believe in the power and authority of God's Word. I am humbled to know the power of God that goes beyond my opinions and fragile feelings, and am praying for a generation of Christians willing to stand unwaveringly on His word, believing it is truly the BEST plan for our lives.

Sunday. 
For all the time I have held so tightly to control, I'm learning empowering others and watching them blossom is one of life's most beautiful gifts and blessings. Eternally grateful for my teenagers for teaching me this valuable lesson.

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