I am beautiful, no matter what they say.
If this is true, then I am very, very, much alive. I cry a lot. But anyway, crying is not really the subject of this post. Haha. I have been crying about a particular something, you see.
I don't really know how to explain it, except to say that lately God has just been teaching me a ton about my identity, and I think I am just having a hard time with it. I have made myself so much into who I think I must be to survive that I have forgotten what it's like to just be me and love me in my most natural sense. I've really never been one to be self-concious. I usually like myself just fine, but I think that's because I never REALLY look at myself all the way. And once I do, I think it scares me. Not because who I am is bad, or scary or anything like that, but just because it's foreign to me almost. For some reason, I think sometimes that I am a strange breed, and that no one is like me. (Which, no one is, but at the same time, who I am really is not all the crazy.) And this, though I tell myself I like to be this way, often makes me feel quite wrongly made. But God does not make WRONG things, but only right things, and beautiful things.
Which brings me to what I think is actually all about, which is being beautiful. I honestly don't think I think of myself as beautiful. I think strong, or bold, or smart, or funny or outgoing, but beautiful- that's like, not me. But I am!!! I want to be, and I have already been called beautiful! None of this probably makes sense at all. What I am saying is that I need to think of myself differently. I am beautiful, just the way I am. Whether that is extremely different or very similar to anyone else. I am a woman, a princess. It is not weak to be those things, it is not weak or silly or juvenile to be girlie. And being "girlie" doesn't mean I have to wear pink all the time and giggle quietly. Being a girl is simply being who God made me to be, cause I am a girl. Being a woman, and being a beautiful woman is simply being MYSELF.
Anywho, basically, I need to embrace who I am. I am gentle. I am goofy. I love people and they make me come alive. I think farts are funny, I like animals and being outside. Flowers make me happy. I like dresses and earrings and the color green. I love to eat, a lot. My mom is my best friend, my voice is deeper than most, I like to look sporty. I like dodge ball and volleyball and wearing weird outfits. I like talking in accents. I love metaphors and eating olives out of a jar. I am mushy and sentimental, and really not that tough at all. I am a big softy, and all I want to do is be a Mommy, and be a good one. I really do like myself. And I am beautiful. That is all for now.