"My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken
and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."
I am everyday becoming more of who I really am and seeing more clearly who I am not. And as this process continues, there is an enemy who wishes to use my progress against me. As I realize things about myself that are not as they should be, my enemy whispers that I should hide.
I should run from my flaws.
I should run from my insecurities.
If I do realize them, I should keep them to myself, because no one wants a broken, wounded girl.
But that's just flat out not true.
I pray I always remain completely aware of how truly needy and broken I really am. I will shout it from the rooftops that I DO NOT HAVE IT TOGETHER. And I believe that I am worth the fight. I am worth someone working through all my brokenness with me. I don't have to be scared that I will scare everyone else away. It's just a sick, sick lie I believe that I am not allowed to have weakness or pain. A sick lie that in order for someone to love me I have to be all cleaned up.
I'll never be al cleaned up. I will get cleaner, sure, but I will always be a wounded daughter of the King. I will always have a broken spirit, desperately yearning for Papa's love. I offer up my fears as a sacrifice to my God, and He does not despise them. May I dance in the beauty of not knowing everything. May I receive love willingly even when I feel I do not really deserve it.
I will not be ashamed of being broken.