So if I'm destined for a small stage,
small crowds, and a small pay,
then maybe even in a small way-
I can bring You fame.
Well, I have been realizing a lot about myself in the past few days. Firstly, a lot of my life has been consumed by pride and a competitive attitude. About a year and a half ago, I asked God to humble me. I began to see ways in which my life was consumed by pride. Well, as always, He delivered. I was humbled in ways I never would have expected. I was stripped of things that made me feel secure, I was left bare with nothing but Jesus. Through various things of a humbling nature, I sensed myself becoming less of the prideful person I have always been. For instance, my desire to be an actress has highly diminished. Though I still love to act and be a complete goofball, I have realized that I really loved theatre because I loved attention.
Now, why is this important? Because I think I finally, for certain, know what I want to do when I grow up. I want to be a mom, and I want to show people Jesus. I want to show Christ to the people God gives me. That's it. This epiphany hit me the other day in a conversation with a friend. He was just talking to me about his family. But he said to me, "My mom was just made to love. She loves so very deeply." And for some reason, in that moment, I realize that every good mom is just as much of a hero as Billy Graham or any missionary out there. Just as important. Just as needed, and just as capable of making a real, lasting, impact on the world. I don't care about money. I don't care if my name is remembered by the masses. I could minister in 12 countries, or I could raise my kids to see God and serve at a soup kitchen once a week. I would truly, sincerely, be okay with whatever God gives me. My dreams are really just to be, and touch, whatever He places before me.
I am utterly excited. There is such freedom in the sweet name of Jesus.