Powerless
“Let your faith be stretched. Go out on a limb where God has to come through. Realize how powerless you are apart from God.”
Words from our pastor this Sunday. Apparently I was nodding and he called my husband and I out- you two are examples of this life and it is inspiring.
I felt so exposed! Can he read my mind?
My immediate thought after his statement was, “I feel powerless all the time. I don’t have to muster it up. I daily beg God to show up and intervene and I feel so in-over-my-head 90 percent of the time.”
As I sat in church, I was literally questioning my parenting decisions wondering if we are missing the mark. I don’t know what I’m doing, God!
People look at me and they commend me for what I’m doing. They tell us what we are doing is amazing. And I agree, it is! But I want to be real honest and real clear- if it looks like we have it together, we don’t. I fall into my bed at night and then I wonder how other moms take cute pictures or accomplish anything other than feeding and keeping their children alive. I wonder if I’m allowing their brains to rot from too much video games. Do they see that life does not revolve around them or are we spoiling them? Are we demonstrating how EPIC God’s love is? Are we too busy or too complacent? Questions on questions that keep me up at night.
I’m powerless. Sometimes I resent this and wish life felt more comvenient for me. Sometimes I throw a little inner pity party and mope around, I won’t lie.
This morning I was contemplating what characterizes the people of God. It’s powerlessness. It goes back to my life verse:
“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV
My strength comes from being weak. Everyone is powerless all the time and we just deceive ourselves that we have control. Foster care simply makes that real obvious. I want to be defined by my dependence on God. I know I’m not a perfect parent and I’m sure there are many things I could do better. But I’m really leaning into the truth that He’s above it all, that He loves my kids more than me, and that He has ALL POWER. Nothing slips through the cracks for Him. And I don’t have to have it all figured out, HALLELUJAH!
Words from our pastor this Sunday. Apparently I was nodding and he called my husband and I out- you two are examples of this life and it is inspiring.
I felt so exposed! Can he read my mind?
My immediate thought after his statement was, “I feel powerless all the time. I don’t have to muster it up. I daily beg God to show up and intervene and I feel so in-over-my-head 90 percent of the time.”
As I sat in church, I was literally questioning my parenting decisions wondering if we are missing the mark. I don’t know what I’m doing, God!
People look at me and they commend me for what I’m doing. They tell us what we are doing is amazing. And I agree, it is! But I want to be real honest and real clear- if it looks like we have it together, we don’t. I fall into my bed at night and then I wonder how other moms take cute pictures or accomplish anything other than feeding and keeping their children alive. I wonder if I’m allowing their brains to rot from too much video games. Do they see that life does not revolve around them or are we spoiling them? Are we demonstrating how EPIC God’s love is? Are we too busy or too complacent? Questions on questions that keep me up at night.
I’m powerless. Sometimes I resent this and wish life felt more comvenient for me. Sometimes I throw a little inner pity party and mope around, I won’t lie.
This morning I was contemplating what characterizes the people of God. It’s powerlessness. It goes back to my life verse:
“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV
My strength comes from being weak. Everyone is powerless all the time and we just deceive ourselves that we have control. Foster care simply makes that real obvious. I want to be defined by my dependence on God. I know I’m not a perfect parent and I’m sure there are many things I could do better. But I’m really leaning into the truth that He’s above it all, that He loves my kids more than me, and that He has ALL POWER. Nothing slips through the cracks for Him. And I don’t have to have it all figured out, HALLELUJAH!
Girl, I think you underplay in your own mind how much strength and wisdom it requires to know that you don't have it all together, to rely on God and not on your own strength. As humans it is FAR easier to do it ourselves - it's our nature. It takes an incredible woman to daily see that your strength is not enough. And speaks volumes to your faith journey that you find it a necessity. So keep speaking the truth of where you are AND accept the compliments for your faith. You inspire me and I admire your wisdom, peace, strength, and devotion and faith.
ReplyDeleteKim, you are always so encouraging to me. Thank you for your words, I love you.
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