Trying- again.

"No one else can love you like I love you Lord,

cause I was made unique in Your heart,

I was made to bring You joy."

It's like no matter now many times God tells me He loves me, and I sit in awe of Him, and I realize the freedom He gives, still, even still, I know and I feel that

I try to earn God. Still.

I try so hard. I DO so much, and if I am being honest, I have trouble sitting in God's love. I have trouble just being. I have to occupy myself or entertain myself. I am not joyful in prayer cause I feel like I don't know how to be. I think for a while I actually need to NOT read my Bible, or just for a day or two. I need to train myself to just sit in His presence and listen. And not feel like I am not doing anything good.

Jesus, my honest prayer- will you teach me to stop trying so hard. I love you, I adore you, and I am sorry that I do not know fully how to accept your love. People are not married to their husbands for only 30 minutes a day. May I live in marriage to you.

All you ever wanted was my affections, All you ever wanted was my love, All you ever wanted was my attention.