And I thought I knew grief...

I thought I knew grief. Every time I think I know her, I get introduced to a new version, a new side of her face. I used to think grief was just a physical death or loss. Then I learned I could grieve lost dreams, broken promises, relationships that will never be what I want them to be. Now, I am in a new season with grief. Grief for my child, all the ways she has already struggled and all the ways she may struggle to come. Grief for how it may affect our whole family; grief for the way I thought our lives would be together. 

I know no one knows grief as well as God. I am comforted that He knows the ins-and-outs and sits with me there. I also know He is allowing this suffering. I do not understand and I grieve that too. 

The Lord has brought me back to Job's story time and time again when I have felt suffering and loss. I want to highlight how the Bible actually shows us the grief process. Even as Job goes through all the stages and emotions, he still trusts God. He trusts God while questioning him. He trusts God through his depression. He trusts God through tears and sleeplessness. He ultimately still trusts God when he emotionally feels abandoned. What is interesting is that God never answers Job's questions. God basically tells Job, "I am God and you are not." God lovingly redirects Job, but He still counts Job as righteous even through his grieving. God can handle all our stuff. We can bear it all before Him. So, if you are grieving in this season, as I am, just know you are not alone. Many have grieved before and many will after. 

See below for excerpts out of Job that demonstrate the waves of grief. I didn't always understand how Job was feeling, but I get it now. 

Job 1:20-22

20 Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. 21 He said,

“I came naked from my mother’s womb,

    and I will be naked when I leave.

The Lord gave me what I had,

    and the Lord has taken it away.

Praise the name of the Lord!”

22 In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

Job 2: 12-13

12 When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

Job 3:24-26

I cannot eat for sighing;

    my groans pour out like water.

25 What I always feared has happened to me.

    What I dreaded has come true.

26 I have no peace, no quietness.

    I have no rest; only trouble comes.”

Job 7:11; 15-16; 20

11 “I cannot keep from speaking.

    I must express my anguish.

    My bitter soul must complain.

    and terrify me with visions.

15 I would rather be strangled—

    rather die than suffer like this.

16 I hate my life and don’t want to go on living.

    Oh, leave me alone for my few remaining days.

20 If I have sinned, what have I done to you,

    O watcher of all humanity?

Why make me your target?

    Am I a burden to you?

Job 19:10

10 He has demolished me on every side, and I am finished.

    He has uprooted my hope like a fallen tree.

Job 30:20; 25-26

“I cry to you, O God, but you don’t answer.

    I stand before you, but you don’t even look.

25 Did I not weep for those in trouble?

    Was I not deeply grieved for the needy?

26 So I looked for good, but evil came instead.

    I waited for the light, but darkness fell.